On Keyboard Warriors and the Mystery of Meanness

Keyboard Warriors - Say shit online that they won't say in person

Since the dawn of time, or at least since the advent of social media, there have been keyboard warriors. Whether there is an anonymous function or not, there is a certain type of person who believes that because they sit behind a screen - computer, phone, tablet, whatever - they are immune to the general 'netiquette' that is the accepted governance of the internet and social media. They fly in the face of social niceties and believe that whatever flows from their brains to the fingers on their hands and through to the screen in front of them is perfectly fine to send, damned be the consequences.

When I was in high school, in the dark ages when dinosaurs still roamed the earth and we walked uphill both ways in the snow everywhere we went, there was no social media and we had to pass notes in class and in the hallways, hoping with everything we had that the teachers wouldn't spot us, grab the note and *insert horrified look here* read it out in front of everyone! We had cool kids, nerds, 'losers', and those (like me) who floated along on the periphery, not really a part of any of those groups but endlessly hoping that the cool kids would notice us ....but in a good way (they didn't, and I'm now grateful for that). Along with all the different factions, there was an element of bullying and I was both on the receiving end of many instances and, shamefully, was also the perpetrator at times. Young and stupid though I may have been, there is still no excuse for that kind of behaviour so I won't bother trying to defend my actions.

I digress.

My point is that at that point in time, with no social media and no cellphones (yes, I'm that old)...when our school day was done, we went home and we were done. Sure if you took a bus, you might get a bit but once inside the comfort of your own home, you were done for the night. Someone would have to physically come to your home or call your landline...either way, they'd likely have to deal with parents.

Nowadays our kids have access both to cellphones and social media from very early on (often before the age listed in the T&Cs - 13). They go to school, they add people on Snapchat, Insta, Twitter, etc (but not FB, that's for the oldies like me with our grey hair and bifocals), and then they're bombarded allllll day with both good and bad. And if it's bad, it doesn't stop when they get home...it keeps going, in their hands. It affects every single aspect of their lives. They lose sleep. They stop eating. They self-harm...and worse.

And it's not just *granny voice* "the youths" that have this struggle.

Recently I've had conversations with friends who have other friends (rude, I know). Those other friends have been downright despicable in the way they've behaved - disrespecting of boundaries, accusations of lying, name calling, mean girl shit....just ridiculous meanness for the sake of being mean and, quite frankly, a bit of a twat. I've had conversations with many people from 13 all the way up to around 55 about what friendships are meant to look like and what is or is not acceptable. And you know what the common theme through each conversation is?

Everything that has been said has been via text or messenger...on a damn screen that the perpetrator can hide behind, safe in the knowledge that they don't have to physically face their victim. Cos let's face it, most of these people would never dare say the same things in person!

And online? Even worse.

Just today, a local woman that I follow on Instagram, who also happens to be an influencer, delved into her messages and found one that was both attacking her, her mannerisms, and her appearance...but also her parenting and the appearance and behaviour of her children - specifically her 7 year old.

First of all...what the actual f**k?!

Second....seriously?! What kind of person does that?

Then we have forums like the awful Tattle Life which has turned into open season on influencers. While they claim to have rules around harassment and bullying, I've yet to see any evidence of those rules being enforced as more and more people pile on to discuss home situations, relationships, parenting, appearance, spending habits and more of influencers on Instagram. I'd wager that most of the people they're discussing are people they've never met and they're forming their opinions based on the little they know from what's shown online...and even if they have met any of these influencers in person, and they really are as horrendous as these keyboard warriors make out, do we really need to be encouraging online mass bullying? NO

I'm not going to sit here and waffle on and on about positivity because there is such a thing as toxic positivity, but could I encourage you all to at least think about who it is that is out there in the world before you start behaving that way? These people all have their own lives and you never know what will be the straw that breaks the back of the proverbial camel.

If it's someone you know in person and you're sending them texts and messages berating them for perceived slights and behaviours instead of having a conversation in-person where tone, nuance, and body language can all contribute to the conversation....perhaps you need to re-evaluate your entire thought process.

If it's someone online....learn to unfollow, scroll past, block, or whatever you need to do to not see their content that so wildly offends you and pushes you to be that person. Curating your social media feed (and your personal connections) to serve you is something I highly recommend to everyone. Mine is full of people who inspire, entertain, add value in some way to my day even if it's just seeing a picture of their cat. If I don't vibe with someone or the energy they're putting out there, I unfollow. It's that simple. Doesn't need to be a big song and dance.

And yes, I'm aware of the potential irony (that I'm sure someone will point out) of posting this diatribe on my blog as I carry on about keyboard warriors but I rest easy in the knowledge that it is a general rant and not directed at any one person.

I have yet to solve the Mystery of Meanness but I'm hoping that one day it will go away. In the meantime I just encourage you all to be a little bit nicer, a bit more compassionate, a lot more patient, and a ton more gentle with the people around you and online. We are living in some really shitty times right now and I see enough of the New Zealand and global suicide statistics (I'm a helpline counsellor) that it worries me to think these behaviours contribute.