Bittersweet

Dear Ash,

I first suspected I was pregnant with you for all the normal reasons ... nausea, late period, all that jazz ... and I'd been dreaming about a blonde little girl for ages. I wandered around the supermarket for almost half an hour before I finally gathered the balls to actually touch the shelves holding the wide variety of pregnancy tests.

I'm sure by now you've seen the movie Juno so just picture your mother in that same role, but a few years older. I pissed away, quite literally, about $60 in preggo tests. The fact that a giant you're pregnant, dumbass plus sign appeared on the first one was not evidence enough for your mum. No sirree, Bob. I had to take at least 5 more tests just to make sure that some asshat in the next stall over wasn't putting some weird mojo over on me in some extraordinary attempt at a joke.

Having finally accepted the fact that there was, indeed, a bun in the proverbial oven, I then had to figure out how to tell your dad. As proven with the multitude of pee sticks used, I can take a wee while to get to the end result. Consequently, I have officially known you for 3 days longer than Dad has. There are days when I have wondered if this is a good thing or not, depending on what your attitude is like on any given day.

You have made life incredibly interesting from the get-go.

It was sooo hard to send you off to kindergarten when you were five. To hand you over to another person and trust that they would care for you, teach you, and not kill you when you screamed at them for looking at you the wrong way for the umpteenth time in a row, was one of the hardest things I have had to do since birthing you (which, by the way, hurt like a mofo). All these years later and here I am, preparing to hand you over once again. Except, this time, I'm handing you off to yourself and independent life.

You have grown from a Dora-loving, Treehouse-watching preschooler with a temper to rival that of Beelzebub himself into a girl who worshipped Hannah Montana and then to a young woman who loves YouTube gaming streamers, Harry Styles, and Billie Eilish.

Your relationships with everyone around you have always been deep and profound. You have always cared for your friends with all your heart and gone out of your way to see them happy. Sometimes this has ended up biting you in the ass but you have never let it dull your spirit or stop you from trying again. Even your relationship with Jade was great to watch as it grew over the years. You graduated from pinching and scratching whenever she so much as looked at you, to hauling off and punching her directly in the head, to now having a great sibling relationship that warms my heart. As young kids, Jade would follow you around, worshipping the very ground that you deigned to tread on with those big feet of yours and, on the rare occasion that you would acknowledge her presence while in public (because heaven forbid any stranger see you interact with her), it would make her squeal with glee. Things are a lot more balanced now and a lot less worshipping going on, but I know she is really going to miss you in this next stage.

I used to always dread the teenager stage. When you were small and would roll your eyes at me and sigh for the third time in as many minutes to really emphasise the fact that you didn't care for what I was saying or when you would stomp up the stairs and slam your door ... I would worry about what I was in for. All that worrying? Unnecessary. The teenage years have been absolutely wonderful and you (and Jade) have both proven that the stereotypes about teens are incredibly hyperbolic. You are beautiful, smart, loving, and kind.

Today you are heading off to university. I'm still in denial about this fact. 19 and a half years ago I was holding you in my arms and snuggling up to the most beautiful baby girl I had ever laid eyes on. Today, despite the fact that you are going out into the world as a young woman and forging your own path, you are still that baby girl. You always will be.

Ash, your dad and I love you so very much. I wish I could bottle up the kindness and joy that you carry with you every day and share it with the world. You are an amazing young woman and we are both so very proud of you.

Go forth and conquer the world. We will always have your back.

All our love,

Mumma Bear & Poopy