Babies Everywhere

I am constantly amazed at how often I am asked when I am planning to squeeze another baby out of my body. Acquaintances, doctors (!!), strangers ... for some reason they want to know. Like it's anyone's business but mine right? Lately, I've begun to wonder if this question, invariably uttered by a well-meaning yet nosy older person, is perhaps as bad as asking an overweight woman when she's due. Either way, the question elicits the same reaction from me all the time now. Let's just say, if you were to ask me when I'm going to have another child, I might just have to pinch your nipples in a vice grip while muttering, "I'll have another one when that starts feeling good".

There was a time when just holding a baby would make me well up with tears and get all broody. This started when I was about 15, much to the dismay of my mother. Consequently, I babysat mostly annoying toddlers that would do away with any desire to have kids so early. This weird thing stayed with me, apparently incurable, until my youngest turned 3. Jade was finally toilet trained and sleeping and it hit me smack in the middle of my forehead that I did not want another child. I decided from then on I'd get my baby fix from any friends who were having them.

This doesn't stop the busybodies though. Or the doctors & nurses with their odd ideas. I am 42 years old. I have 3 young adult kids, the youngest of which is 17. My husband had a vasectomy 14 years ago. WHY would I have another? I already add one extra to the house when Dylan came to us through foster care.

I can tell people until I am blue in the face that we are done, that the ones we have are just fine for us, that I might have to ship any extras to their house if we did in fact, by some miraculous event conceive this far past a vasectomy, get pregnant again ... and they'll still give me that lopsided grin and the condescending tone while saying "oh sweetie, you don't know what you're missing!".

I don't?! Is there some string of events that everyone else was privy to when they had kids that completely bypassed me? Am I missing sleep-filled nights, kids who use the toilet from birth, and no projectile vomiting? If so ... sign me up! But, as far as I can tell, the explosive nappies that compounded the grand total of 2 hours sleep a night, followed by a teething baby were what most people got ... and I'm done, thanks very much.

As for asking me when I'm due?? Yeah, I get it, I'm overweight. Nay ... I'm fat. There, I said it. But, unless you see me having contractions 2 minutes apart and there's a baby sticking its head out from between my legs, you might want to think twice about asking that question.

In the meantime, I'll stick to snuggling with all the cute babies that friends are having ... and then I'll hand them back when they fill their nappies.